I think that I often want to see guideposts as I go through life; to see familiar things along the way. I often feel like I have to conquer and understand one thing fully before I move on to the next. It can come in things as simple as sitting in the same seat every day in a class because it’s just where I sit, to looking for the same signs of “progress” in someone else’s life as they get to know the Lord a little better. This past semester lifting became my safe place where I felt like I was improving, but there was no real cost or value to it. Overall, I think that I try to advance my life by the same old mechanisms that have worked before; often not even looking for what God may be doing specifically in that situation, or allowing myself to imagine all the possibilities that I have. C.S. Lewis gives a great example in his book The Four Loves,
“Say your prayers in a garden early, ignoring steadfastly the dew, the birds and the flowers, and you will come away overwhelmed by its freshness and joy; go there to be overwhelmed and, after a certain age, nine times out of ten nothing will happen to you.”
In trying to go back to my comfort zones over and over again, and by going back to these things that have inspired me in the past, I limit what God may want to do in my life that day, week, or month. If I’m going into situations, and expecting God to work in the same way that He has before, I have already defeated what purpose He might have had for that time. I, of course, feel a lot more comfortable because I can expect a reasonable outcome, without getting very far out of my usual territory.
Basically, and tragically, in my past I have put God in a severely small box because I didn’t want to trust Him with possibly looking like a fool in a new situation. In doing so, my life became so dull and boring that I’m amazed that people really thought much of me. What I’m learning right now is that in every situation, it is possible to put God in the driver’s seat, and that if I don’t, my life will be uninteresting and pretty dang unattractive. Without God, the Christian life is a bleak, boring, and uninviting prospect.
When I look at Jesus’ life it becomes pretty clear that He didn’t want people to put expectations on Him as far as the specifics of how He would act. He acted justly and in love, but because of their perceptions of what that meant, many people misunderstood Him. The Pharisees were all over Him because He didn’t obey their rules and regulations. They wanted Him to be predictable, like them. Why did they have such a problem with Him spending time with a bunch of wicked sinners? He was breaking down their system to establish His own, which was perfect, but almost never looked the same in two different situations. When Jesus heals people, and it’s specifically noted in the gospels, He does it in very different ways. Mud in the eyes for one guy, and a simple touch for another. The woman in the crowd who barely touches his cloak and Paul were both healed and changed, but in totally different ways.
Jesus walked into situations with His Father leading Him. The situation didn’t matter so much as where Jesus’ heart was. As a Christian, I want to keep moving forward into new situations that consistently keep making me uncomfortable. The best story to illustrate the opposite of this point, and possibly clarify what I’m trying to say is that of the rich young ruler. I think we can all agree that this guy missed the opportunity of a lifetime because He chose the safe road. What Jesus asked Him to do was probably entirely out of nowhere for Him. He said all the right things. He had kept all the commandments, and He had kept all the rules, but there was something missing. He wasn’t willing to go into a situation that was insecure even though Jesus asked him to. How many times have I felt like that? I’ve walked away from so many situations where all I had to do was take some little step, and risk looking like a fool (and that was probably almost all in my head anyway) to love someone, or to be a good friend.
So, in a way, God’s way of working can seem really insecure to me. A lot of times He asks me to try something new or say something a little risky. Again, I don’t think the specific situations are necessarily the point, so much as where my heart is at. God doesn’t want me to be so comfortable that my heart comes to rest in a nice place where I have my daily “scripture soup for the soul,” but don’t really feel challenged, or grow in my love for God. That is where I feel like I’ve been at…sort of. I know that I haven’t been stagnant in many ways, but I have walked away from many situations where God wanted me to do something strange and new. He wants us to rely on Him in every situation, no matter what it is.
Some of the examples that came to mind immediately seemed kind of stupid to me at first, but I really believe that they express the point well. Most of this came to my mind because of this past weekend, when I went to Acapulco with 5 people that I only met 7 days ago. It was three girls, two other guys, and me. The first night we went to an enormous Club on top of a mountain that overlooked the entire bay. Normally this is a situation where I would bail out and stay home, but I came to Mexico resolved to go into situations where I knew I wouldn’t be comfortable and take them on. We got to the club early, so we sat around for a while talking and having some drinks. Normally, I never drink, but I paid $30 to get in and the bar was free, so I had a glass of white wine (another new thing). When they actually started the music, I almost got a little weird feeling in my stomach, but I decided that no matter what, I was going to dance. When the girls we were with wanted to dance, I went with them, and you know what? It was great. I asked another girl from California to dance, and we had a great time. My mind wasn’t perfect all night, but I don’t regret anything. For me, there were some extremely new, and pretty scary moments that night, but I learned a lot through it. I will never again assume that someone cannot teach me anything, because most of my lessons so far have come through people I wouldn’t have listened to a year ago.
Overall, being in Mexico has scared me a few times as well, but when I really sit and think about it I realize that my time here is too short to spend it worrying. I’ve met tons of awesome people so far because I just haven’t put up my usual walls. I’m learning how to dance the salsa, which is one other thing that I would have had to be forced to do earlier this year. My time here has made me so excited about life, and everything that God wants me to do, and all the places that He wants me to go.
I know that God’s vision for us is that we would love in every situation, whether it be in a bar, on the beach, in the classroom, with the Church, or on the moon. I’m sick of the boundaries that I’ve placed on myself, and the territory I’ve marked out for God in my life. All my boundaries are shattering right now. Since I’ve gotten to Mexico I’ve had plenty of chances to step back and be passive, letting opportunities pass me by. I’ve let a few go by, but I’ve seized a lot more. What I’m discovering is that I don’t even let God work through me in most situations because I’m so worried about myself. As I’ve laid down those burdens, and started enjoying myself in more situations, the love of Christ has poured out more freely than I’ve ever felt in my life.
As a guy, and as a christian, I’m seeing how courageous God really wants us to be. He wants us to walk into situations where everything is wrong, and be right. He wants us to walk into situations where hate is overpowering, and love like a bunch fools. He wants us to step forward for tasks that seem impossible and not give failure a second thought. He wants us to be free in the midst of slavery, to be light in the middle of darkness. What I asked myself before I went into that club that night was, “Has there ever been light in that place before, and who will bring it if not me?”
